Life actually isn’t always like a box of chocolates as Forrest Gump puts it. I think it’s every girls dream to grow up, get married, raise babies, and live the white picket fence American dream.

Funny story I had it all planned out when I was a Freshman in college. I thought by now I’d have it all and then some. My plan didn’t go quite as I had pictured it. Back then I didn’t prepare myself for just how ugly and cruel the world around us can be.

I certainly didn’t picture it being ugly and cruel to me. Although it has been ugly and cruel to me even when I tried everything to prevent it. I’m proud of myself and where I’m at right now at the ripe old age of 25. Bad things have hit me straight in my face. Or for lack of better words reality has slapped me straight in the face.

I’ve experienced good and bad so far including the things I did and didn’t ask for. Once I wanted to move far away from my hometown never return or ever look back. I wanted nothing to do with this place ever again. Over the years I’ve recognized the importance of family. The bonds I have, hold, and cherish with my family.

Instead of moving away and living across the country I’m a couple of houses down from my parents. I’m give or take 15 to 20 minutes from my Aunt and Grandmother and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Without these three very important ladies I wouldn’t be sitting here today typing this out for you to read.

Life changes at the flip of a switch and you must learn to pivot and embrace it as it changes. Life doesn’t come with a set of instructions unfortunately. Although if it did life I feel would be boring and lame. I think God is the most important thing aside from family. Without God one has absolutely nothing in life. But with God you will always have everything regardless of what society tells us or the circumstances we’re given.

Regardless of what life throws at us the most important thing is God. The answer is always God. You ask yourself or think when will I get that job? God. His timing is everything and if it’s meant for you he will make it happen. That house with a big green yard and pretty flowers when will that happen? Again God. His timing is everything. That raise when is it going to happen? God’s timing is everything be patient. That utility bill how am I going to make payment for it this month? God makes mysterious things happen we call those things blessings and miracles. That heartbreak, soul crushing situation, how in the world will I, or can I overcome this? God. He will pull you through it even if it takes a while he’s got you.

How will I ever recover from this or that? Pray about it and look for God he will pull you through it some way or another. It will be unbelievable but it will be your new reality. Most importantly be proud of things around you and who you are. Be thankful for this moment and where you’re at even if you’re still reaching for “Perfect”. Perfect exists to an extent but its definition is different for everyone just be patient timing is everything.

Be thankful for the simple things in life that you already have that someone else is dreaming, wishing, and praying for. Be thankful you can see the sun rise and set, be thankful for that roof over your head, the food in your belly, or simply being able to walk or talk. Be thankful that you can still hear the sound of birds chirping or coyotes howling and screaming at night. Be thankful for that Hummingbird or Cardinal you can see. Be thankful for your family or friends you turn to when everything else around you is crumbling.

We are never promised tomorrow and we’re always wishing for something bigger and better. When sometimes our “typical” or “normal” is actually someone else’s dream they pray for on a daily basis.

Love yourself and do for yourself. Don’t ever count on anyone else to do it all for you or you will be waiting around the rest of your life. You will miss out on the blessings you already have before you that someone else in this world is praying for. Don’t ever take a second of life for granted.

Or maybe your glass is over filling. You’re at the point where you can no longer take it anymore and you want it to be over. Those are what we call the “hard days”. That’s life and life happens when life happens. But just know you just have to keep moving forward because life never stops until God says it stops. You have a purpose as well all do. Pray about it and see it through because chances are it is greater and better than what you ever knew.

Be strong, be bold, and be courageous. If you attempt to do the above mentioned you have a higher probability in life of being unstoppable.

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I remember her so clearly - the girl who thought that she had her life figured out perfectly at 20.  She smiled for pictures, said “I’m fine” a lot, but held onto so much hope for what was to come. Back then, love meant holding her breath, apologizing for feeling too much, and wanting to be “easy to love.” She didn’t realize how worthy she already was - no disclaimers or conditions.

I wish I could tell her: You are not wrong for wanting more or for being ready for a life that most at 20 are not ready for. You had already walked through so much and just wanted to see the dreams you had as a little girl come to life. You’re not ungrateful for feeling unsettled in a life that looked “good enough” for such a young age. What you were longing for, the ache you felt, it was God telling you to slow down and trust his plans before you broke your own heart rushing.

During your 22nd year - you took the ring off, even though every part of this relationship was your dream, and while it didn’t feel like a victory march, it was the most needed thing you could have done. In that moment, you chose yourself, your worth, your heart, and saved yourself from continuing to be surrounded by people who only made you believe terrible things about yourself.

God showed you what love truly is: It is loyal, it is kind, it is not jealous, it is a strong tied knot that no man can break.

Just a few years later - I have seen joy return, I laugh again and have allowed God to heal me in ways I didn’t know I would need. I have learned that love doesn’t ask you to disappear, but instead invites you to grow into the person God created you to be.

It is a daily reminder to be patient, to love myself, and to embrace every part of me. Some days, I still hear the doubts from the unconfident 20 year old, but then I remember: I would not be who I am today without walking through broken seasons. Continue to hold onto hope and love, it is just a season away for you. But for now, embrace the joy that you were once praying for, embrace the season that God has you in growing closer to Him and his people.

You will see the true meaning of love in every single day you walk closer to God and hold his hand so that he guides you to his plan for your life!

I am so proud of you for choosing the life that God has for you instead of what the world has for you!

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Have you ever looked back and seen that God carried you, but in the darkest and most challenging times, even though you knew he did, it was hard to see at the time? That’s my story. I am a believer in Jesus and know His plan is always greater, but in the valley it can be hard to see how. 

I found myself at 38 years old divorced and expecting a baby. Children are a blessing, and I had 1 child that was my biggest blessing. He was 16 years old and he and I were in a good groove in our lives. But God knew something I didn’t and it was about to change my life. 

A few months after my separation and before the divorce was final, I decided to work on myself. I began working out 3-4 times a week and working on my physical, mental and spiritual health. I lost weight, became stronger, more involved in church and was over all more content and happy than I had been in years. Fast forward 8 months and I wasn’t feeling the best despite changes in my life. I went to the doctor and surprise! I was 8 and a half months pregnant!

I never believed in people who didn’t know they were pregnant, but here I was one of them. Without going into too much medical detail, God blessed me 17 days later with a wonderful baby girl. She was the picture of health. She came in and turned our world upside down, but with that brought a concrete reminder of God’s goodness and faithfulness. And almost 4 years later she continues to be a reminder of His love for us. 

Once she was born things changed in my job- I was happier, with my friends and family- the connection, love and support was (and continues to be) a testament to His love for us. It wasn’t easy, and still isn’t, but He never promised it would be easy. 

At the time I found myself a single mom, expecting, with no idea if my baby was healthy, if I could make it with a small child and a teenager, so many “what ifs” and some worries about what people would think, and what about childcare, but God. He took care of it all. And continues to do so. Every day.

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I know this: Nursing school was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I faced people who wanted to see me fail. I pushed through a divorce, a custody battle, and more challenges than I ever imagined—but I kept going, and I graduated.

I worked, studied, and raised my babies all at the same time. And through it all, I discovered that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

I learned not to let anyone tell me what I can’t do. I learned to persevere—to keep going no matter what, all the way to the finish line—because there is nothing more powerful than hearing your children say, “I’m so proud of you, Mom.”  

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If I could go back I would have had more grace with this girl right here! 
She was never perfect, but man did she strive to be. In the mess of her imperfections I was not always kind to her. Instead of pointing out her good points I tended to curse her flaws. Always telling her she could be better. 

If I was a better wife this wouldn’t have happened. If I was a better mother my children wouldn’t have to go through this. If I was a better person maybe I would have done better. With that being said I allowed others to be unkind to her as well. 

See I knew the Lord but I didn’t know He meant me when He said all those things. So I got placed or placed myself in situations where the enemy attacked me to my very core physically and mentally! 

My vision got distorted. I thought I lost me!  See the enemy thought he had me locked down in abuse, fear, shame, loss of self worth, ugly, broken, and in despair. 
But God!! Jesus said you are mine!!
He gave me everything I needed in my two babies to fight! 
To fight for better for them! 
He gave me life in their smiles!! 
He gave me a specific word in the pit of my despair! 
He sifted through the pieces, dusted me off, and reminded me who I was.
People ask how do you know He is real? 
Well He spoke to me in an audible voice! 
He gave me a word only He could give! 
He gave me a promise, that He kept! 
He has been so good to me and in the hard times He showed up in ways you would know the only way it was possible was God! 
I think it is in the broken, uneasy parts we grow the closest to Him! 
When we allow ourselves to be broken in Him so He can give us beauty for ashes. 
I love this quote I passed by the other day 
“When I ask people when they really grew spiritually, they never describe an easy time. Never." - CHUCK SWINDOLL

When I look at this woman now I embrace her flaws better! 
She has fine lines because she has cried but mostly because she laughed a whole lot more! Her body is not perfect, but it has carried two of the most beautiful people in the universe! 
She has been weak but the Lord shows me the warrior in her! 
She has been scared but she has also been brave! 
She has been hurt but she had the strength to forgive! 
She still knows how to love to her core! 
She loves and protects her people! 
She has a husband that loves her like Christ loves the church! 
She has 5 amazing children that give me purpose! 

I will never reach perfection and I’m learning that is ok! I am still fearfully and wonderfully made! Still chosen! Still bought with a price so great that He sent His son for me! 

So if I could tell you anything on your journey back to your authentic self it would be to seek Him! There is where you will find it! I promise it will be sweeter than you could ever imagine! One last thing Heather wanted me to share was a poem I wrote and what the Lord showed me in the pressing! He was making something great I just didn’t know how great it would be! 

Out of the Rubble
I could comb through the pieces and try to find something salvageable but at this point I’m not sure what is left.

The rubble so heavy 
The pieces so sharp they sting like a Knife to my very core.

Anything I managed to hold together just fell in this unsurpassable mountain sitting on my chest.
The anxiety, the failure, the ugliness I feel inside. 
When will these feelings pass ?
How could this happen and How is this my Life?

I was supposed to protect, at this point all I see is damage 
In the pit of despair 
God do I really even matter?

My Precious Savior responds in such a 
Sweet sweet manor
Are He sits in my brokenness sifting through the pieces that really matter

You are my chid! 
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
A workmanship, a tapestry, a poem written specifically by Me!

Out of this rubble 
My child you will rise
A product of My creation, 
My redemption, and My provision. 
You In Me are sanctified.

So look to Me, all these problems will eventually cease. 
This is only a chapter and there is beauty from these ashes just wait you will see
So rest now My child in Me you have peace! 
Your story isn’t over leave the writing up to me! 

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Advice for 20 year old me:
The most important things in the world are to be brave and to be kind. If you can’t be brave, you can always be kind. 
Lots of bad, uncomfortable things are going to happen, but laughter will get you through, and you’ll have great stories to tell. 

You look amazing. 

Stay away from Alex in Indy, that kid is trouble. 

I’m proud of you. ❤️

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What do you want to tell your younger self?  There are so many things. I could overthink this if I start down that rabbit hole. I look at my daughter now and think back to when I was her age (12). She is so much smarter and has a good sense of self; that is something I did not have when I was her age and has taken me my adult life to achieve.

If I were to sit my 12-year-old self down, I would tell her that she needs to listen to her mother because she actually does know a lot about what you are going through and is a hell of a lot wiser than you are giving her credit for! Divorce is hard for everyone, and it is okay to grieve. Don't sit in that pain forever because it will drown you. Pick yourself up, be strong, and carry on. You will survive the things that life throws at you because you have been equipped with incredible armor.

Stop comparing yourself to others; that is a game you can never win. Be a better version of the person you were yesterday, and learn from your mistakes. Don't give up on yourself.

You can forgive people that hurt you and the ones you love; you can also decide if and how you want to let them back in your life. Your life is your choice. "To change the world, it starts with one step. However small, the first step is hardest of all. Once you get your gate, you will walk in tall."

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You’re going to make mistakes.
Bad things will happen.
Be strong.
Get up, dust yourself off, hold your head high and keep moving forward.
NEVER forget who you are and all those that love you.
Don’t ever let a mistake define who you are. You are SO much more than that.
Find your light again and let it shine!

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You have no idea how strong you are. Life will take turns you never saw coming. You’ll get married at 25 and have two beautiful children. Then, when things don’t go as planned, you’ll face the pain of divorce, isolation from so called family, and survive it.

You’ll rediscover love in the most unexpected place, your high school sweetheart, who will become your partner in a second, stronger chapter. You finally get to experience what true love is, and knowing what it feels like to be loved unconditionally, not only does he loves you the way you deserve to be loved, he loves and embraces your children unconditionally.

You’ll raise five amazing kids, become a dedicated Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner, and eventually build a thriving med spa that reflects your passion for beauty, healing, and empowerment.

Let me tell you this clearly: never settle. Not in love, not in friendships, not in how you let others treat you. Don’t rely on anyone else for your happiness, learn to create it from within. Friends will come and go, and that’s okay. Leave people where they’re at. It’s not your job to fix or change them. Protect your peace and focus on your growth.

Save your money, take risk, travel the world, and Plan for the future. Even when it feels far away, your future self will thank you. And when things get hard and they will remember; you’re being built, not broken.


Hold your head high, girl. You’re becoming someone even better than you dreamed.

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When I close my eyes and think back to 21-year-old me, I see a scared, anxious girl, sitting alone in a cold exam room. I remember the doctor’s stone-cold face as she pointed to the screen and said, “See that? Those are your ovaries. Textbook PCOS. You’ll gain every calorie you eat, and you’ll probably never have kids.” Then she walked out. 

Just like that, my world shifted.

In six months, I had gained over 100lbs, went through dozens of exploratory tests, and even examined for a brain tumor. I felt like my body had betrayed me, and I carried the shame of it everywhere. I apologized to strangers, to friends, to family-explaining why I wasn’t thinner, why I didn’t look “put together.” 

Every glance felt like judgment.

Every comment about my weight cut deeper than I let anyone see.
I was certain my boyfriend, Eric, wouldn’t stay. How could he love me when I didn’t even love myself? But one day, after a particularly cruel comment from a family member, I broke. I felt worthless. Eric saw me crumbling, and instead of stepping back, he stepped closer. He lifted my shirt, exposing the stretch marks I hated most, and kissed them. One by one. Tears rolled down my face as he told me I was beautiful, brave, and loved. In that moment, he loved me when I couldn’t love myself.

That act of kindness, that moment of unconditional love, carried me through some pretty dark times. It’s why, when people ask the secret to our 18 years together, I always say it’s because he showed me what love really looks like. 

It’s not earned. 
It’s not conditional. 
It’s constant.

Now, at almost 38, I look at those stretch marks differently. They’re proof of three beautiful daughters. They’re a reminder of the strength I didn’t know I had.

I’ve lost weight and gained it back. 
I’ve been confident and insecure. 
But through every version of myself, Eric has loved me the same.
When I look at my three girls, I pray they never tie their worth to their weight or let the world convince them they are anything less than enough. I pray they know their imperfections are part of their beauty and that God’s grace is with them in every step of their journey. And I hope they find a love like Eric’s-one that reminds them of their strength when they can’t see it themselves.

This life has taught me that strength doesn’t mean never being weak. It means letting the people who love you hold you up when you need it most. And for that, I am endlessly grateful.

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To my 18 year old self, making the decision to join the military to offer a better life for your son, it will not be the correct decision. But know, the decision you make to allow transfer of custody of your oldest will all work out in the end. 

As you sit in the attorney's office, crying, full of self-doubt, have faith in yourself. You are going to allow your mother in law to take, what you believe to be temporary custody, of your child while you begin a military carrier. She will trick you. She will lie. Her attorney will lie. Unfortunately, you will believe them and take them for their word. You will lose full custody of your son. She will also fool her son, your husband, your child's father. She will drive a wedge between you two for the rest of his childhood. 

This sounds dire, horrible and unbelievable that all will be well in the end, but trust me. The child will not always be a child. He will grow. He will see, learn and decide for himself what and who he will want in his life.

Brace yourself. You will have many years of no contact because your mother in law will prevent him from visiting. She will not encourage him to speak on the phone when you call and he will be a rather nasty brat at times. All of this will cause you tears and heartache.

In his pre-teen years, you will invest heavily in attempting to regain custody. This will be a valiant, expensive effort that will strain your marriage, your savings account and your relationship with your younger son. After months of effort, you will lose your legal battle and your son will veer even farther from you.

In the next five years, silver streaks of hope will break through the dark clouds. Phone calls between you two will be more frequent, less strained. You will get to attend high school graduation. But boys are not sentimental or forthcoming with affection. As he attends college, he will ask for money and abuse your willingness to help so freely. Remember, he is a teen who was handed it all. He is in a phase and it will pass. 
Now he is 20 and he has a fiance. She is a blessing under cover. She is from a divorced home. She understands manipulation and how parents can pit the child against the other for their own benefit and gain. Reach out to her. Pour your heart out and tell her your side of the story. She will listen, understand and she will be the catalyst that will open your son's heart to you. 

Please know that 15 years will pass before the opportunity will come for you to have your son back in your life. But he will come. His maturity as a son, husband and as the father to your first grandson will help him understand you. He will be able to see the manipulation done by your in-laws and he will make the choice to be in your life. 
Stay strong through all the heartbreak, through all the tears, the lost money time and effort. Your son will grow and he will grow away from the toxic environment that kept him away from you. 

Be patient and keep being the mother that you are. 

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Dear 20-Year-Old Me,

You’re not crazy. You’re not too much. You’re not broken.

You’re just a young woman standing knee-deep in emotions no one ever taught you how to name, let alone process. You feel everything so deeply—grief, rage, confusion, joy—but you were raised to believe those feelings were embarrassing, inconvenient, or dangerous. You were told to push it down, to “get over it,” to make space for other people’s problems and keep your own quietly packed away.

But you’re not weak for feeling. You’re human. And more than that—you’re intuitive, powerful, and fiercely alive.

Right now, you think the problem is you. You think if you were just less emotional, less dramatic, less everything, maybe you’d be easier to love. But the truth is, the people around you didn’t know how to handle your depth, because they never confronted their own. That’s not your failure. It never was.

You’ve already been through more than some people face in a lifetime. You’ve been gaslit about your pain, shamed for your grief, and left to comfort yourself in the absence of those who should’ve been protecting you. And still—you keep showing up. You still hope. You still love. You still try.

You’re going to have seasons where you feel like you’re drowning in things you can’t talk about. Where you’re told you’re “too sensitive” or “too selfish” when all you’re doing is trying to breathe. But you’ll learn to listen to that inner voice—the one that’s been quietly whispering, “You deserve more than survival.”

One day, you’ll understand that the fire in your chest isn’t dysfunction—it’s your compass. It’s how you’ll rebuild yourself from the inside out.

There will be days when the world comes crashing down—where your strength will be tested in ways that feel unfair and unbearable. You will lose things that should have never been taken from you. And you will carry the weight of silence from those who should have checked in and didn’t. But even then, you will not disappear. You will become the kind of woman who turns pain into purpose. Who fights for others because you remember what it felt like to be alone in the dark.

I want you to know it’s not your job to earn love by being useful, or to dim your brilliance so others can feel comfortable. You are not too much—you are exactly enough.

And one more thing: feel it all. Cry when you need to. Scream if you have to. Don’t be afraid of the mess. It’s yours, and you’ll grow through it.

I am so proud of you. Not because you got it all right—but because you refused to stop feeling, even when the world told you to go numb.

With love and unshakeable belief in you,
Me (the woman you’re still becoming)

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At 20, I was moving through life on auto pilot-following a path laid out by expectations rather than intention. I never stopped to ask myself if that path was right for me. I was full of self-doubt, consumed by the need for external validation, and completely disconnected from my own desires. If I could speak to that young woman now, I would tell her to take her father’s advice to slow down, breathe, and take time to consider what she wants from life. I’d also urge her to face her trauma before trying to build a family of her own, because the weight of unhealed wounds nearly cost me everything.

I carried emotional baggage for years, unaware of how much it influenced my choices and hindered my potential. The woman I am today would make a strong mentor to that lost younger version of me. The healing hasn’t been easy, and my journey isn’t over, but over the past decade, I’ve done the hard work of learning to love myself. I am very proud of who I am today. I’d love to go back to my younger self and tell her, “You are already enough.”

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It was just me and my mom when I was little. Things were difficult, but I never knew it, we always had each other. If I had a rough day, she'd hug me and remind me that "It's you and me, kid."

My mom was my safe place. She went back to college when I was 9 and I watched how hard she worked at everything she did. She was a mom, wife, and student. I'd watch her study into the night, but she never complained. She taught me to be strong.
I married, moved away, and had children.

My husband was in the military, so we never had family close to us. When my son was diagnosed with Epilepsy (while my husband was overseas, of course), my mom flew out to go to doctors appointments with me. She'd fly out for a couple of days then go home and back to work. a week or so later, she'd fly out again. And again, never complained, never let me know that it was expensive or that it was the slightest bit difficult. But always with a hug and a reminder that "It's you and me, kid." 

I spoke to her every day until 3 years ago when she was able to move here. Better than just here, my mom moved into the same neighborhood I live in. Now we see each other every day. My mom is my best friend, my confidante, my biggest cheerleader, and still my safe place. 
We are both happily married, but it will always be "you and me, kid."

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Dear 20-Year-Old Me,

Eat better. Not to lose weight or fit in, but because your body deserves to be cared for and nourished. You’ll feel the difference later—trust me.
Take care of your skin now. You’ll thank yourself for it every time you look in the mirror years from today.

You think you’ve got the timeline all figured out—love, marriage, the whole future. But here’s the truth: You’ll meet the love of your life much later than you thought, and you’ll get married later too. And it’ll be better than anything you imagined, because it happens when you’re truly ready.

When you turn 35, something traumatic will happen. It will change everything in an instant. But you will survive it. You will grow from it. You will live more deeply, more intentionally—because you’ll finally understand how fragile life really is.

At 40, you’ll become a grandma. Wild, right? And it will bring an unexpected kind of joy and love that fills you in ways you never thought possible.
You’ll pack up and move to a different state—and that choice will be one of the best you ever make. It’ll give you a new perspective on life, on yourself, and on what really matters. It’ll deepen your appreciation for your parents and how much you truly love them.

You’ll call your mom every day. Not out of routine, but because you’ll realize how precious each conversation is. One day, those calls will stop—and you’ll want to know you never took them for granted.

So when you’re 20 and feel like your life sucks, when you’re lost or overwhelmed or unsure of your worth—please, hold on. It gets better. So much better. Everything you’re going through now has a purpose. You may not see it yet, but one day, it’ll all make sense.

Keep going.
Keep being you.
You’re doing better than you think.
With love and wisdom,
Your Future Self

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